He had two mistresses fighting over him and a wife Read more. We are also in the Muslim holiday of Ramadan while Wednesday was the first night of Passover for Jews. You just select one of the six lines on the table. The difference is President Biden twice last week indicated that he is planning to announce that hes running for re-election for president soon. Hamilton-Just two more payments and those dozen eggs are all mine, Hamilton: Cant find financing for an egg salad sandwich, Hamilton: UFOs dropped off classified docs in a Delaware garage, Hamilton- All China needs is the Colonels secret recipe. Modern Health advised Baby Boomers to take up vigorous exercise to maintain health and extend our lives. Well, I don't know about Laurel, she looks more like Hardy to me. <style> body { -ms-overflow-style: scrollbar; overflow-y: scroll; overscroll-behavior-y: none; } .errorContainer { background-color: #FFF; color: #0F1419; max-width . Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report By Argus Hamilton Published Dec. 21, 2022 Miss Manners notes the recent sharp decline in etiquette and social manners in public. President Biden gleefully mocked Donald Trump Friday for issuing a limited set of trading cards as NFT for $99 on the crypto market. The Washington Times reported that Medicare overpaid sixty-four million dollars for erection pumps which the federal program provides Read more, In the news: Duck Dynasty, crack-smoking mayor, lottery & more Duck Dynastys family patriarch Phil Robertson was put on hiatus by A&E Network after he compared homosexuality to Read more, Elton John, Mayor Rob Ford, the NSA & much more! And Sunday marks the Protestant Holiest of Holies, the final round of the Masters at Augusta National. That explains everything. Tuesday, August 4, 2009 . Who is Argus Hamilton, and why is everybody quoting him? Argus' daily column of jokes on the news, now carried in over 100 newspapers across the United States, including the Humor Times, is also read and heard by millions on the Internet and on radio stations across the country. Travel and Leisure forecast that 47% of Americans will travel this month for winter vacations and for Christmas and holiday celebrations with family. Get ready for all of The Comedy Store tales! Argus Hamilton - Comedian Argus Hamilton's hilarious political humor column is available five days a week, Tuesday through Friday and Sunday, 52 weeks a year. Some of them wanted to exclude massage parlors, dog tracks and porn shops but didnt have the votes. One boat capsized and steering mountings were knocked loose.Its times like this when Mitt Romneys yacht elevator in La Jolla suggests hed be a wise steward of the U.S. economy.Current TV fired Keith Olbermann as host of the cable networks evening news show Friday. Argus Hamilton is the man Robin Williams once called "the Will Rogers of the Baby Boom." Argus' daily column of jokes on the news, now carried in over 100 newspapers across the United States, including the Humor Times, is also read and heard by millions on the Internet and on radio stations across the country. Check out our current wonderful Sustaining Supporters here! Argus Hamilton performs at corporate, political and charity events around the country. "Let's see Rush Limbaugh get to the right of that." Porn Hub offered to help the White House fix the ObamaCare website Tuesday. "Let's see Rush Limbaugh get to the right of that." Argus Hamilton's daily column of jokes on the news, now carried in over 100 newspapers across the United States, is also read and heard by millions on the Internet and on radio stations across the country. 69 and Robin Drive takes Diamond Valley residents by surprise, Need2Know: Bed Bath and Beyond announces beginning of closure process; Outdoor retailer REI Co-op to open Prescott store this fall; C&C Cyclery offers products and services to mountain bikers, Contents of this site are Copyright 2023 Prescott Newspapers, Inc. and Western News&Info, Inc. All rights reserved. Comedian and columnist Argus Hamilton's daily monologue of jokes on news events, politics, sports and celebrities. Forbes magazine published an article called Ten Reasons to Drink During the Holidays, citing the sociable nature of office parties and family reunions. Copyright 2023 All American Speakers Bureau. AAE Named to Inc. Best Workplaces in 2022. The Hollywood Bowl was jam-packed Saturday night with movie stars, and longtime friends and music fans to pay tribute to the great Willie Nelson on his 90th birthday. When all the guys my age were back in high school, we fantasized about having sex with Raquel Welch. It's fun for about two weeks. Then they took off and soared to $22,000 per card. Hollywood legendary movie star Raquel Welch died after a short illness in L.A. Wednesday at age eighty-two. He must have passed the physical. ArgusJokes.com: Argus Hamilton's column for 8-4-09 Argus Hamilton Comments on the News: Rodeo Clowns & Much More! I remember a bartender shouted out, asking does anyone knows CPR so I yelled, I know ALL the letters of the alphabet! Friday, April 23, 2010 Argus Hamilton's column for 4-23-10 The official Facebook page of comedian, talk show host, and writer Argus Hamilton. Portage Daily Register; Reedsburg Times-Press; Help us keep the lights on with a small (or large!) Government workers will have to stop not working. Argus Hamilton's daily column of jokes on the news, now carried in over 100 newspapers across the United States, is also read and heard by millions on the Internet and on radio stations across the country. Oklahoma Speakers is a speakers bureau that specializes in helping meeting planners, corporations, and associations locate, select, and confirm the best speakers, entertainers and other talent for their events and meetings. Argus James Hamilton III is the son, grandson and great-grandson of Methodist ministers in the South. Thats why its still a secret. Les municipalits ont tenu profiter d'un moment de rpit dans la crise sanitaire pour clbrer la fte Nationale. He is regularly quoted by daily newspapers including The San Francisco Chronicle and the Los Angeles Times, by weekly business papers including the Orange County Business Journal, by Time magazine and by radio personalities including Paul Harvey. Hunter's love child is only two years old and already she's on the USC rowing team. One thing Read more, Rodeo clowns and sensitivity training: Talk about your joke setups! "I'm an English Monarchist and a Southern secessionist," Argus says. Its an election year and you cant be discriminating against popular businesses.President Obama met NAFTA leaders at the White House Monday.Afterwards they spoke to reporters. Yesterday in Beverly Hills I got out of a traffic ticket by pretending that Im woke. Comedy Store legend Argus Hamilton jokes about the news of the day and chats with comedians and other entertainers from the basement of the World Famous Come. They gave Tinker Bell a plus-sized sister named Taco Bell. Missouris State Fair banned a rodeo clown for life who wore a Barack Obama mask while a bull Read more, A-Rod: Trying to enhance his chances of playing again The FDA discovered e-coli in ground beef that is distributed nationwide but it wont hurt the restaurant business. Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report - Argus Hamilton Olympic gymnast Simone Biles sat in the stands and cheered her team to victory in Japan this past week. Its so sad.If PGA golfers would just tee it up in the rough every now and then when nobodys looking, they might get it out of their system.Californias Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals upheld the state ban on affirmative action in college admissions Monday. The students dont mind.They think its worth it to work day and night for free because if they make it to the Final Four they get drafted by the NBA.The Mega Millions first prize was split by three ticketholders Saturday. Hamilton: Still counting Super Bowl points in Arizona. Argus Hamilton - Facebook In a related story, it was just revealed that salt water salmon caught near Seattle contain both antidepressants and cocaine. So far, Im blessed to be having a good year financially. Argus Hamilton admits he's not the type of guy to do something that's no fun. Fox News 92-year-old CEO Rupert Murdoch ordered Tucker Carlson fired, causing Fox stock to crash $980 million in value Monday, three days after he paid Dominion $787 million to settle a libel lawsuit. Argus performs at corporate, political and charity events around the country. Hamilton: Is WalMart planning to invade Costco? The food went rancid Read more, The news according to Argus! These cookies do not store any personal information. Read more, Miley Cyrus, George Clooney, Obamacare and much more Miley Cyrus and her boyfriend Liam Hemsworth reportedly broke up Monday due to her raunchy MTV Awards performance. "Let's see Rush Limbaugh get to the right of that.". Les festivits du 14 juillet sont toutes maintenues sur la Cte d'Azur. Hamilton: Anheuser-Busch regrets its costly Bud Light move? | Terms of Service | Privacy Policy, Tucson in process of returning land to Tohono O'odham Nation, Deadly heat waves threaten older people as summer nears, 20 California condors in Arizona, Utah died from avian flu, Shooting at carnival Saturday night being investigated by Prescott Police, Photos: Prescott welcomes Whiskey Off-Road 2023, PUSD Governing Board to discuss science curriculum at May 2 meeting, Lawmakers wrestle with bill that keeps minors from porn, Blasting at Hwy. China assured Taiwan they were just weather warships. With all the Fentanyl out there, who needs to play Russian Roulette nowadays? Watch There are Read more, In the news, General Petraeus agreed to face Congress to discuss the Benghazi attack and his sex scandal. Argus Hamilton Comments on the News: Umbrella-gate & More! We are here to help! The man can reminisce. Argus Hamilton on the News: Elton John, Mayor Rob Ford, the NSA & more! Hens are now identifying as roosters, Hamilton: Classified documents discovered at Mount Vernon, Hamilton: Our leaders taking their (classified) work home with them. Argus Hamilton, Southern Man of Taste - Apple Podcasts Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report - Argus Hamilton - Jewish World Review Argus James Hamilton III is the son, grandson and great-grandson of Methodist ministers in the South. The same day, Chinas navy sent three warships into Taiwanese territorial waters. Argus was honored by Oklahoma Governor Brad Henry as the official comedian of the Oklahoma Centennial and appeared with the governor in the 2007 Tournament of Roses Parade. Lets see Rush Limbaugh get to the right of that.. In a nod to Holy Week, MSNBC crucifies Trump every morning and every afternoon Fox News raises him from the dead. Oklahoma Hypnotist, Ventriloquist, Announcer & "Voice of OETA" Featured on "Good Morning America" and in TIME magazine Known as Darci Farmer's Long Time Coach (the Hit Sensation Seen on America's Got Talent), Former ABC War Correspondent; CNN's Former Chief Terrorism Correspondent Recently Embedded in Iraq & Afghanistan with ABC Subject of the ABC documentary film "The Hornet's Nest" (released 2014), Motivational Speaker and Author Customer Experience Expert Customer Service Speaker and Author. Smaller Twinkies seen as un-American Hostess Twinkies returned Tuesday but the new Twinkies weigh less and have less calories than old Twinkies. Donald Trump faces possible indictment in New York today for a hush money payment to the porn star. Meet the funniest topical comedian in America, the man Robin Williams once called "the Will Rogers of the Baby Boom." St. Patricks Day celebrations were held nationwide Friday honoring the accomplishments of the Irish people, their culture, their contributions to literature, and their passion for self-determination in Ireland. Argus Hamilton | Speaking Fee | Booking Agent Silicon Valley Bank was shut down by federal regulators Fridays after depositors pulled $42 billion dollars out of the bank in one day. Madonna blamed ageism and sexism President Biden will deliver his State of the Union tonight before a joint session of the House and Senate gathered in the House Chamber in the U.S. Capitol. Comedian Argus Hamilton Thank you for supporting Argus and his column! Biden will open by declaring the State of the Union is strong, and theres evidence Joe is right. Right Opinion: About Argus Hamilton | The Patriot Post By allowing ads to appear on this site, you support the local businesses who, in turn, support great journalism. When home in Los Angeles, he can be seen live onstage at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. language, country and your other public info. Just two more payments and those dozen eggs are mine. Oklahoma humorist Argus Hamilton and others will appear at the OKC And to cap it off, Ruperts much-younger fiance just called off the marriage. Argus Hamilton is an American stand-up comedian, writer, and host of The Comedy Store Tonight starring Argus Hamilton. Hamilton: With all the potato chip flavors, who needs other foods. Argus was honored by Oklahoma Governor Brad Henry as the official comedian of the Oklahoma Centennial and appeared with the governor in the 2007 Tournament of Roses Parade. In college I dedicated my life to causing as much trouble as he did. Grow a pair. Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. Keith Olbermann has been fired more times than a Civil War cannon.Wells Fargo opened a new banking firm Monday that serves people with fifty million dollars. Tiger Woods is favored to win the Masters for the first. This does show that billionaire womanizers always get the first draft pick. The UN News reported Tuesday that plastic pollution in the world's oceans is expected to double by 2030. Argus' daily column of jokes on the news, now carried in over 100 newspapers across the United States, including the Humor Times, is also read and heard by millions on the Internet and on radio stations across the country. Argus Hamilton on the News: Carnival Cruise No Carnival, Argus Hamilton on the News: Cyprus, Lohan and Much More, Fun With The News: Carnival Cruise Liner & More, Argus Has Fun With The News: Donald Trump & More, Fun With The News: Pot Legalization & More, Argus Has Fun with the News: Sex-Texting & More. Copyright 1979 - 2022. They jam up traffic, add to restaurant waiting time and clog up golf courses. See if they are performing this week at Laugh Factory! All rights reserved. "Let's see Rush Limbaugh get to the right of that.". Oklahoma humorist Argus Hamilton will headline the four-day event, which also will include national and regional comedians and a special musical guest. A proud graduate of the University of Oklahoma and now based in Los Angeles, Argus brings an unusual perspective to the news from Washington and around the country. This Christmas, Kanye West will be going from house to house to make your drunk uncle seem OK. As we share our homes with relatives and loved ones, we are reminded of that first Christmas scene. GOP Senator Lindsay Graham of South Carolina came down with coronavirus Monday even though he'd been already vaccinated months ago. Naturally Disney changed everything to make it acceptable to todays woke culture. Argus Hamilton's daily column of jokes on the news, now carried in over 100 newspapers across the United States, is also read and heard by millions on the Internet and on radio stations across the country. Are you singing the seasonal allergies blues? The cop asked me why I ran through a red light and I told him its 2023, I dont see color. JamesEdition can help you find the home that match all the preferences for your dream home. Argus Hamilton - Humor Times Las Vegas hotels were reported Tuesday setting up legal consumption lounges for pot smokers to keep them out of the casinos and off the streets. My direct ancestor Lord James Hamilton founded Northern Ireland for King James I in 1606 and flooded County Ulster with British Protestants. A proud graduate of the University of Oklahoma and now based in Los Angeles, Argus brings an unusual perspective to the news from Washington and around the country. Theyd better give it to us. The Los Angeles Times reports the second man to step foot on the moon, NASAs legendary Buzz Aldrin married a much younger woman on his 93rd birthday Saturday in a ceremony in Beverly Hills. Become a Humor Times patron via Patreon.com! Argus James Hamilton III is the son, grandson and great-grandson of Methodist ministers in the South. Argus Hamilton on the News: Porn Hub Offers to Help Fix Obamacare Site. Social media won't tolerate any observation unless it's serious. Argus Hamilton Column - GREAT BEND TRIBUNE Commentary. He said Italians are emotional people who like to express themselves physically. Argus James Hamilton III is the son, grandson and great-grandson of Methodist ministers in the South. The owners of the medals have notified the police. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience. It costs $6 million for a 30-second commercial. Excerpts from Argus' column are heard regularly on radio stations across the country and are quoted in the Los Angeles Times as well as in the Simone showed tremendous courage by stepping down from the very top because her mental state isn't quite right. Reproduction and distribution of content, with or without modification, without written permission of Laugh Factory Inc., is prohibited. They say that life imitates art but more often it imitates Gilligan's Island. Hamilton: Two old guys in the theater balcony? Columns; Contests; Lifestyles. That's not all. Governor Cuomo was questioned for hours over sex harassment charges. I compare the voting rights bill to Jussie . Be the first to receive new merch items! Democratic Congresswoman Rosa DeLauro called for gender equity in car safety testing Friday in House hearings. North Korea's dictator Kim Jung Un was on hand for the launch of two intercontinental ballistic missiles Sunday which were to prove he could attack the United States. Argus was honored by Oklahoma Governor Brad Henry as the official comedian of the Oklahoma Centennial and appeared with the governor in the 2007 Tournament of Roses Parade. Laugh Factory Inc., or its affiliates. Electing a guy with Donald Trump's personality as the president is like marrying a nymphomaniac. Each month, get a new mug, shirt, sticker, etc. Submit your best content, jokes, photos, or videos to become an exclusive Laugh Factory member and have your content shared on our website. Argus' daily column of jokes on the news, now carried in over 100 newspapers across the United States, including the Humor Times, is also read and heard by millions on the Internet and on radio stations across the country. Across the Street Courier Cooks Neighbors Puzzles Real Estate Top Jobs. The Comedy Store is sending me down to San Diego on New Years Eve to perform at the Comedy Store La Jolla on its 45th anniversary. We thank you. 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