George Carlin died at age 71 in June 2008. Everyones like, see? The people are fucked. George Carlin, May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. George Carlin, Some people have no idea what theyre doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. George Carlin, Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. George Carlin, We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. Try spelling Evian backward., In America, anyone can become president. The planet isn't goin' anywhere, folks. I mean, life is tough. We are! They dont fall out of the sky. Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. Everybody says they suck. Carlin is well-known for pivoting from a strait-laced, suit-and-tie approach to standup in the late 1960s and early 70s and for immersing himself in the counterculture that shaped his personal politics. Governments don't want a population capable of critical thinking, they want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation. Lol, Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups., Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?, and anyone driving the same speed as you is a copycat /j, Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body., So you're saying that I have to eat joy to be happy? WebBest George Carlin Quotes 1. Thats the problem. George Carlin, When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. LANGUAGE ADVISORY: There is language in this excerpt that some readers may find offensive. Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that., We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. Top 16 George Carlin Religious Quotes in 2023 - QuotesGeeks We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. 2023 Inspirationfeed. It creates a hostile work environment." Save the planet; we dont even know how to take care of ourselves yet. You get kicked out when youre too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. I was conceived in a damp, sand-flecked room of Curley's Hotel in Rockaway Beach, New York. Avoid teams at all cost. Never join a group that has a name. Others see it half empty. Teach them to question everything. I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. Doesnt give a shit, which I admire in a person, and which would explain a lot of these bad results. George Carlin, Atheism is a non-prophet organization. George Carlin, I have as much authority as the Pope. It's so fuckin' heroic., The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live., We're so self-important. Its difficult to say. George Carlin Quotes - BrainyQuote Nothing changed., Its never just a game when youre winning., Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck., One can never know for sure what a deserted area can look like., Why is it that most people who are against abortion are people you wouldnt want to f**k in the first place?. Give reason to hope. When you die, it all stays here. Clearly not., Even so, Kelly Carlin said, is it dangerous when a culture wants to shut people down for speech? Have you checked the dumbster out back? When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot. Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. Whats that, a bonus? But he was also critical of Democrats and guilty white liberals, while he endorsed other ideas that conservatives supported. There were other court jesters before Carlin and alongside Carlin, but Carlin was more powerful and dangerous to the king, said Journey Gunderson, the executive director of the National Comedy Center, which is home to more than 25,000 items from Carlins archives. Laugh until you gasp for breath. George Carlin, Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school. George Carlin, The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. George Carlin, People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point. George Carlin, Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things. George Carlin, Dont just teach your children to readTeach them to question what they read. Cause we swam in raw sewage. Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away. Its so fuckin heroic. George Carlin, If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? George Carlin, Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and dont have time for all that. George Carlin, The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. Ooops! 40 George Carlin Quotes On Pride, American Dream | Turtle Quotes He was a master of observational humor and his take on death was both hilarious and thought-provoking. There is a line (queue). And the supreme arrogance? When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.. For the most part, Carlin left behind no protgs or appointed successors. Whereas George was always making things totally accessible., (Even in her fathers later years, Kelly Carlin said, if he had an idea for a topical joke, rather than put it in his act, he would share them with people like the broadcaster Keith Olbermann, who was then the host of Countdown on MSNBC. If youre born in America you get a front row seat., I think people should be allowed to do what they want. So arrogant. Popular ethnic slurs to the contrary, the Irish do enjoy sex at least the last ten seconds or so. If they say, Were the So-and-Sos, take a walk. The challenge is to find it., and so many oblivious f***s wandering around, People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point., Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. fixed that for post-rona world. (Closed), Hey Pandas, Show Me The Funniest Photo In Your Camera Roll (Closed), Hey Pandas, If You Had The Power To Create One New Law, What Would It Be? And if they tell you you're not a team player, congratulate them on being observant., I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. Could it be that I do is the longest sentence? George Carlin, If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isnt the whole airplane made out of that stuff? When he is not writing in his favorite coffee shop, Igor spends most of his time reading, traveling, producing house music, and capturing light with his camera. Everybodys going to save something now. He is a touchstone shared by the psychologist Steven Pinker, the rapper and actor Ice Cube and people on social media who equate the pandemic with George Orwell novels. And although I never forgot it, I never quite memorized it either. George Carlin, Meow means woof in cat. George Carlin, When youre born you get a ticket to the freak show. Their reconciliations were sudden because my father had a terrific line of bullshit. Press Enter / Return to begin your search. These George Carlin quotes on life showcase his wit, ingenuity and geniusand, occasionally, his potty mouth, which was part of his signature charm. Known for his funny and sarcastic quotes, we think you'll get a kick out of his words. 1. "Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. Carlins personal politics were readily identifiable. When youre born in America, you get a front row seat. George Carlin, Isnt making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? George Carlin, Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. George Carlin, I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. George Carlin, Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. George Carlin, Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin, Weve learned how to make aliving, but not alife. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? Just a moment while we sign you in to your Goodreads account. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever til the end of time! If they say, "We're the So-and-Sos," take a walk. Teach them to question what they read. Igor is a SEO specialist, designer, and freelance writer. This comment is hidden. What do you get at the end of it? , If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?, I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. Deal with it., People say, 'I'm going to sleep now,' as if it were nothing. Hes a man who looked forward and said, This is not going to end well. He saw the chaos coming.. ": 40 Hilarious Before-And-After Pictures, As Shared By These Women With A Sense Of Humor (New Pics), I Collected Images Of Celebrities In Their Early Years Of Childhood (35 New Pics). The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept., The planet is fine. Saimonas is a list curator at Bored Panda with BA in Multimedia. Quotations by George Carlin, American Comedian, Born May 12, 1937. Whats going on now is not that fight. Today, he said, we live in a world where anybody can really say what they want, whether anyone believes that or not., While Carlin would still probably be dissatisfied with the state of free speech today, Maron said, his barbs would have been aimed at the corporate occupation of discourse, with digital monoliths like Google, Facebook and Twitter dictating how culture thrives and is consumed., And if a comedian wants to claim freedom of speech while using words that others deem hateful, Maron said, you can say them all you want youre probably just going to be hanging around people who enjoy that kind of stuff. George Carlin Quotes on Religion, Politics, Government & Life Then you live in an old age home. As for the poor, they tell us theyve lost all incentive because weve given them too much money., Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers., I guess that's why they want to ban abortion, because it's the ones who can't afford to take care of child that it affects. And while the generations of stand-ups that have followed may have a sincere reverence for him, that doesnt necessarily mean they are fluent in the jokes he told. Aggravation is not always funny., And Carlins routines, particularly from his splenetic, late-period specials, have hardly lost their punch. They've long since bought, and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the state houses, the city halls, they got the judges in their back pockets and they own all the big media companies, so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear. He always needs money! Dont give your money to the church. George Carlin Death, Suicide, Stupid Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. 200 years versus 4 1/2 billion. George Carlin Quotes He has written many books full of brutally honest sayings and jokes, like Brain Droppings, When Will Jesus Bring the Porkchops?, Last Words, and more. George Carlin Quotes (Author of Brain Droppings) 70 Wise Quotes From George Carlin George Carlin is a Grammy-winning American stand-up comedian, actor, and author. Maybe George Carlin really did have the right idea. He had an uncanny ability to cut through the clutter of everyday life, and for this, we want to honor this man with our favorite inspirational quotes from George Carlin. In this blog post, QuotesGeeks compiled some George Carlin Quotes about death that will make you cry, and question your own thoughts on the topic. George Carlin Quotes Censorship that comes from the outside assumes about people an inability to make reasoned choices. He loves you, and He needs money! There's a reason education sucks, and it's the same reason it will never ever ever be fixed. The Strange Afterlife of George Carlin - The New York Times George Carlin > Quotes > Quotable Quote - Goodreads He was never looking to solve the culture wars or solve Americas problems. [laughter] George Carlin : Well, I'm certainly not going to move there! In his final book, the posthumously published Last Words, Carlin said about The George Carlin Show, "I had a great time. I never laughed so much, so often, so hard as I did with cast members Alex Rocco, Chris Rich, Tony Starke. Continue with Recommended Cookies. I prefer his quote, everyone appreciates your honesty until your honest. He is a sucker for good coffee, Indian food, and video games. WebHere are some of our favorite George Carlin quotes on politics. It creates a hostile work environment. They own, and control the corporations. When he died, no one else could say they spoke on his behalf. It will be Nike sneakers and smiley shirts George Carlin, I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the shit out of Todd, Kyle and Tucker. George Carlin, I dont like ass kissers, flag wavers, or team players. Its so fuckin heroic. George Carlin, Most people work just hard enough not to get firedand get paid just enough not to quit. George Carlin, Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. George Carlin, If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to have selfish, ignorant leaders. George Carlin, Theres no present. In the closing monologue from a recent episode of his HBO talk show, Bill Maher cataloged a series of social conditions that he suggested were hampering stand-up comedy and imperiling free speech: cancel culture, a perceived increase of sensitivity on college campuses, and Will Smith slapping Chris Rock at the Oscars. WebGeorge Carlin Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. His death was a huge loss to the comedy world. Improve yourself, find your inspiration, share with friends, George Carlin (2002). Staying conceived literally required a miracle. Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. When she's not crafting articles, Melanie's eyes are still glued to a screen be it binge-watching her favorite TV shows, leveling up in video games, or learning Spanish with her trusty sidekick, Duolingo. The challenge is to find it. My mom used to say "if you can't say something nice about someone, come in and I'll put the kettle on". Your account is not active. The man was a heart patient for 30 years. Napalm & Silly Putty, Hyperion, George Carlin (2004). Enjoy the best George Carlin Quotes at BrainyQuote. Keep the upbeat. And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers, "You Are So Beaut-OHGOD! If George Carlin were around now to respond to the questions we have for him, he would have schooled us on both sides and come up with a third-way truth that would have blown our minds, she said. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live., Would a fly without wings be called a walk?, Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Enjoy! This is funny, but if the entire plane were engineered the way black boxes are, it would not be able to fly. George Carlin They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. George Carlin, I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. TOP 25 QUOTES BY GEORGE CARLIN (of 976) | A-Z Quotes We use a lot of euphemisms when we talk about death. Bravo/NBCUPB At the moment when it seemed like he was out of gas, he would suddenly recharge and reinvent himself., As he evolved from a fast-talking parodist of TV and radio to a rhetorical bomb-tosser, Carlin had a set of standards that remained consistent. From there, he became a comedy icon, which continued up until his death in 2008 at the age of 71. "Read my lips," and "Make my day." And have them happy that you did it.. He was 99 percent progressive, said his daughter, but also took some positions that echoed those of conservatives today. Let us know what you think! Johnny Carson My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day. Everybody's going to save something now. Every day we present the best quotes! He talked about things that could be considered controversial, like politics and politicians, religion, drugs, and the demise of humanity.
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