A leprechaun doesnt get offended if you ask him if his whales blue. #1 for Parents and Teachers! Q: What did the leprechaun say on March 17? WebThese jokes are great for movie fans, music fans, and drinking fans alike. This latter asked, "please pardon our intrusion, Mother Superior, but I wish to ask you, is there a nun at your convent who is about two and a half. Ive some bad news and some terrible news for you.. Two lepracauns walk up to the doors of a Catholic Church in Ireland. This is one of the many Irish stereotype jokes thats flying around, but unlike many it isnt exactly offensive. Jokes All of them are clean and awesome. After the pints are placed onto the bar, three bluebottles drop into each mans freshly poured pint. A lad from Clare went to his local doctor with cramps from constipation. An American man goes to Ireland and goes to an Irish pub. The guy being drunk turns around and says hold on, are you really a leprechaun? See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes. Did you also know that he enjoys practical jokes?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-box-4','ezslot_11',196,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-box-4-0'); Either way, the jokes about this legendary creature from Irish mythology follow below. The man repied "Yes, I have 2 kids and a, At the urinal next to his. Paddy brags, You know, Ive had every woman in this town. if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); Why do leprechauns have pots o'gold? Any you want! BOOOOOOs., A Cork man went for a job at the local stables. So theyre perfect both for kids and adults. Paddy and Mary decided to try a 69. A: A lepre-con. - Sista-matic. Roll a 40 down the street! He parks the car and runs over to them. Because they're always a little short. Oh. Ah here, you drank those very quickly said the barman. The man was evidently offended and responded, The cheek, just because I order a pint of Guinness you assume Im Irish. The last two places said the same thing. and offers the man three wishes. I wonder if he could do that for Congress. When they arrived, the nurse asked, How dilated is she, sir?. It was 8 oclock and the neighbours dog was going mental. -Sammy Wilson. Q: Why did the leprechaun turn down the bowl of soup? Q: Why do leprechauns prefer dollar bills over coins? Click here for more information. WebA Leprechaun A little boy went to the bathroom at school, but when he went to wipe his bum, there was no toilet paper so he used his hands. Thats 150 miles from here., His wife asks who it was, and Paddy responds, It was some eejit asking if the coast was clear.. Another funny joke posted by Phillimac16, originally seen on Reddit. How did the leprechaun beat the Irish man to the pot of gold? There were three leprechauns standing outside a church in Dublin- A father and two brothers. How do you know if an Irishman is having fun? Leprechauns are one of the reasons to wear green on Saint Patrick's Day, otherwise there's a risk you will get pinched. Bugs Bunny. You know you overdid it on St. Patrick's Day when you think you're kissing the Blarney Stone and then it kisses back. WebWhy did the leprechaun jump on the rainbow? Gaelic breath.. Lepre-Con. A jig mistake. The American asks, "where'd ya get that big dick? "No, my son. Ye can see 'e's 'angin' out. The swingers there must be a misunderstanding 2. A nun comes out and the Leprachuan asks in a thick Irish accent "sister you gotta help me. Why do Irish bread bakers use baking soda? Guy's been at the bar for a while. Again, the crowd in the pub gave a big cheer. If you're lucky enough to be Irish you're lucky enough! When it's a FRENCH fry! Paddy and Seamus are sitting in a small-town bar. St. Patrick's Day It gave a lot of milk and excellent milk it was. The father, taken aback, says, The Mother Superior answered and was taken quite by surprise at the sight. She apologises and trys again before farting a second time. Dirty Leprechaun joke. Shes over the fu*king moon!'. Why do leprechauns giggle when they play soccer? Regular rocks are too heavy. said Mary. Now show me to your pot o gold!" WebWhy did the leprechaun cross the road on red? A: A Potty Gold. He asks the first fella for his name and address. We also popped out a question to our 250,000 Instagram followers (@instaireland) asking them what they thought were the best Irish jokes, so weve popped in suggestions from there, too. As he goes to look for it, he stumbles upon a leprechaun who is brewing a mysterious concoction. A lot of small talk. Q: What do you call leprechauns who collect cans and plastic? Sean: "I can't do this anymore Paddy my bloody knees are hurting as fuck!" Ben walked into the local bar all a fluster and ordered seven shots of Irish whiskey and a pint of Smwithicks. A: Because theyre green! She is excited to share what she discovers with her readers. Jokes The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! This post has been created by Roman Marshanski, the founder of this site. Well, says the doctor, Ive been trying to get hold of you for the past 2 days.. They are short-tempered. The leprechaun turns and says in a Irish voice, not to worry laddy I'm a leprechaun, I The leprechaun runs down the bar and gives the Englishman a raspberry again, SPLBLBLBLBT! This time the Englishman is really mad! Q: How did the leprechaun beat the Irish man to the pot of gold? They each ask the barman for a pint of Guinness. St Patricks Day Bar Jokes A: To get to the other side, Q: What do leprechauns leave out on their lawn all summer? It was a real stroke of luck to be sure, A priest, a rabbi and a leprechaun walk into a bar. A: He gets wet, Q: Why did the leprechaun cross the road? What do Irish ghosts drink on Halloween? Tony, he called. I was sent home early today. Two Irish lads were working for the local county council. So the Irish would never rule the world. For his first wish the farmer wishes for all the land in Texas to. Having had a few drinks, he comments on the dudes huge member. He slurre, One jumps up on the other's shoulders, knocks on the door, and jumps down as a priest comes to answer. Youre very clover! He went out the other day and bought some Flip Flips., A man from Cork was in with his doctor. "I named my pee-pee 'Guinness' What do perverted leprechauns drink on St. Patricks Day? A bard walks up to a bored leprechaun. Sheamus drops into the local pub on the way back home from visiting the doctor. What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control his wife? The undivided attention of a leprechaun. I used to think hard work beats luck.. Because you don't want to press your luck. A few hours into work, Paddy tells Murphy he wants to get the day off. Q: Why was the leprechauns given a desk job when he became a policeman? The mother superior opens the door to see the two little green men. The leprechaun laughs, "You You can buy one drink and get a second one free. A glass of Guinness appears. What do you call it when a leprechaun gets a free handjob? A: Irish soda bread. Why is a river rich? A: He was too green to go out on patrol. A man got himself a wee bit too drunk on St Patrick's day and is stumbling towards home. What do you call a fella from Dundalk with 400 girlfriends? Sure youd be arrested for less!'. He climbed out 4 times to take a piss.. A leap Web100 Funny St. Patrick's Day Jokes 1. The bartender looks at them and says, "Is this some kind of a joke? A guy stands on the first tee on a beautiful Irish morning. Why do Irish people recycle? When short after a real short guy wearing a leprechauns costume walks in to use the urinal next to him. What did the poor leprechaun say as he ran from the police? What do they call the Irish jig at McDonalds? What's an Irish jig at McDonald's called? Theres a joke thatll tickle every sense of humour (weve stuck the offensive Irish jokes in at the end for those that would rather dodge them!). He's using the urinal when this really short guy starts using the urinal next to him. Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day? If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. How did the Irish Jig get started? Why do frogs like St. Patrick's Day? A: To stop himself from falling into the stew. May the roof over your head be always strong. I can smell wine, Father, said the Garda. "Oh it is me lucky day! There was this man who walked into a bar and says to the bartender 10 shots of whiskey. Three guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish, are out walking along the beach together one day. The leprechaun reply's well you see me top hat don?t ya, you see me green suit don't ya, and is it not St. pattys day, what more proof do you need laddy. Goes for a walk in the forest sees a little fella dressed in green with his head bobbing up and down between his legs, so the yank says to him are you Leprechaun? A rainbow 3. I havent found her head yet!. A: To get to the pot of gold. when he sees a small, dark figure in the distance. He took a shortcut! Knock, knock! What is a leprechauns Beer drinking Joke teller. The next day the same man comes in and orders 12 shots of whiskey. Clover who? If you live with younger siblings at home, wearing green on St. Patrick's Day is crucial for survival. Lucky Charms! Do people get jealous of the Irish? The man looks at the bartender and says, "Yo, I'd like to get a beer for me and an Irish wine for my little pal here! One's a leprechaun and the other's a leper-con. One turns to the other and says, It was a beautiful ceremony, wasnt it?!. "Tell that leprechaun that if he Sham-rock and roll. To make a rain-bow. Have you seen all jokes? What do you call a bad Irish dance? now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); They make their money from a little bit of farming, but mostly from the milk that their cow produces. In lepre-condos. Into my pub one evening, strolled the craziest sight to behold for a Saturday night. TOP 10 hilarious Irish dirty jokes (LAUGHTER GUARANTEED) (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}). Why are so many leprechauns gardeners? Whether you plan on incorporating St. Patricks Day crafts or activities, or even reading a St. Patricks Day book, we also think your students will Ones a cunning runt, A Rabbi, a horse, and a leprechaun walk into a bar What kind of spells do leprechauns use? St. Patrick's Day Ideas for an Extra Lucky Holiday, 62 Silly St. Patrick's Day Jokes That Give Dad Jokes a Run for Their Money, Your Privacy Choices: Opt Out of Sale/Targeted Ads. Q: Why do frogs like St. Patricks Day? Bejeezus (And to Be Shure) Soon after O'Shaughnessy clocked in for work, the foreman called him over and told him that he had a phone call in the front office. WebOut of curiosity the guy ask the leprechaun man how can I get my cock to grow that big. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. WebBelow, weve compiled a list of some of the most hilarious St. Pattys Day jokes, including leprechaun jokes, puns about Guinness, shamrocks, rainbows, Ireland, and all things What do you call a Cubic Zirconia in Ireland? This is the best collection of leprechaun jokes that youll find anywhere and all of these jokes are clean and safe for people of all ages. Easily offended? Wheres my husband? Look clover there. But this is a newsagents'. WebSturdy (@thedirtyleprechaun) on TikTok | 136.9K Likes. A man went to a pub on St. Patrick's Day to have some drinks with his mates. "Really" said the croc, "where is he I want some." Why did the elephant wear his green sneakers instead of his red ones? Shite replied the barman What do you have? A tenner replied Ben.. It Must Have Been Love (But It's Clover Now) by Sham-Roxette, Shamrock and Roll All Nite by KISS Me Im Irish, and Party on the Paddy-O by ZZ Green Top Hat. Fortunes. BOOs As he staggers through the woods, he soon becomes lost. Look, David. The leprechaun looks around and says, "Saints preserve us! Too much to drink and not enough restrooms! Funny Leprechaun Jokes for everyone! I'm in a bit of a pickle and you're the only one who can help.". Why is it difficult to borrow money from a leprechaun? WebThe man still doesn't really believe the guy, but he keeps going with it. Q: What is a blondes' reaction to hearing "drinks are on the house". Because it has two banks He splashes water on the, There's this farmer, his wife, daughter, and three sons. Good Comebacks, Roasts, & Burns: Best 99+ You Need To Know, 139 Best Funny Pick Up Lines To Make Her Laugh & Blush, 179 Steven Spielberg Quotes That Will Inspire You, Funny Penguin Jokes: 11 Best That Will Make You Laugh & More, Dead Birds Falling From Sky Are The Fallout From The Great Resignation. I met a Leprechaun once, in a pub in Ireland. Cork is full of many things and can be one of Irelands premier spots for. Because they're always wearing green. When Is The Best Time To Visit Ireland? With that in mind, here are ten hilarious Irish dirty jokes. The monkey call out hey little buddy come up here I got some great pot. 30 Dirty Irish Pick Up Lines That Will Probably Get You Slapped Laugh at these funny leprechaun jokes. There's a pot of gold waiting in ye car. The urinal is one of those long trench types without walls to separate people. A Shamrock Shake Except me mammy, of course!, Well then, says Seamus. Whats the story? asks Sean when he sees the look on Paddys face. Why did the leprechaun go outside? Paddy Long Legs. As he starts drinking more and more, he has to release the valve and goes to the restroom. Why do leprechauns bow when the weather's bad? And might I ask how your sex life is?" What do you call a nun with a washing machine on her head? St Patrick's Day Pick Up Lines It counts as a vegetable! Do leprechauns make good secretaries? I said, what have you been up to? The man replies, Im Paddy OToole of no fixed abode.. Spam likes = blocked. WebDirty Leprechaun joke So an American in Ireland walks into a bathroom. 'e went from pale to stout!" A: IreLand Ho! Lash it into the comments section at the end of this article! "Lads" says the Leprechaun, pointing to his right: "this is a wishing slide, when you slide down it, just make a wish, and whatever it is ya wish for, you'll land in it!". After several pitchers of beer, the leprechaun runs over to a large, mean-looking guy, sticks out his tongue and spits all his legs. Are you from Ireland? Q: What did the baby leprechaun find at the end of the rainbow? After a while, the man needed to relieve himself, so he went to use the restroom. Q: Why cant leprechaun ever end a golf game? What kind of spells do leprechauns use? Manage Settings Why do leprechauns love to garden? She is a keen writer of satirical articles, as well as The best things to do and The best dishes to try around the globe. He arrived back up the stairs ten minutes later. Urine luck!, A priest, a rabbi and a leprechaun walk into a bar. 60 Best St. Patricks Day Jokes for 2023 - Readers Digest Paddy answers and replies, How would I know? By looking over your shoulder. Five minutes later the guy comes in though the back door and orders a drink, again the bartender says, "You're too drunk" Q: How can you spot a jealous shamrock? a guy is out golfing and gets up to the 16th hole. A: He wanted to look like the Hulk. A: Because Irish stew. How did the leprechaun beat the Irishman to the pot of gold? This time, the guy successfully catches the leprechaun. The Garda turns to the second fella and asks the same question. He's Dublin over with laughter! I am not, the neighbour replied, Theyre both for me., An English lawyer was sat with his Irish client. And when 'e saw ye with 'is eye Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy. Antos missus was in the Rotunda Hospital, ready to give birth to their first child. I have to do 3 hours of sensitivity training. In a wasted stupor, he decides to take a shortcut home through a nearby forest. The leprechaun asks the rangers for help escaping the snowy forest, and tells them that whoever can come up with the best and kindest way to transport him out of the forest, will be granted his pot of gold. The guy stands there and thinks to himself he does have a point! May your wishes come true and your truth be wise. What do you call a leprechaun who scams you? Visit our page here: St. Patricks Day Knock Knock Jokes. The 103+ Best Leprechaun Jokes - UPJOKE 2. Well, its certainly clear from these ten hilarious Irish dirty jokes that you cant take things too seriously in Ireland, and you most definitely shouldnt take any offence. "Why not?" What do you get if you cross Christmas with St. Patricks Day? After downing several pints, he heads to the loo to take a huge piss. A cold beer and another one. What's small, lucky, and green all over? What happens when you call a leprechaun short? All bunged up A lad from Clare went to his "Irish is a leprechaun language." Why don't women want to get engaged on St Patricks Day? Apparently, asking a dwarf why he isnt wearing his leprechaun costume was offensive. Pressing, the man says, "How could I make mine that large?". Pat. Q: Why are leprechauns so concerned about global warming? One day a man was playing golf in Ireland and he sliced his drive and the ball went over to the side of the course and he heard an "ouch". They found it at a party, talking way too loudly. WebThe Leprechaun Joke A man went to a pub on St. Patrick's Day to have some drinks with his mates. One's a leprechaun and the other's a leper-con. WebI might only be 25% Irish, but on St Patrick's Day I will be 100% drunk. What do you call an Irishman with a case of chickenpox? Join our discord: https://discord.gg/jokes, So an American in Ireland walks into a bathroom. Dirty growls the angry man, "How in the hell do you pee?" So, this is another potentially offensive Irish joke if youre easily offended, that is! Sure youre on the other side, replied the second. What do you say to someone who just got peed on by a leprechaun? No, the man replied. 38. until a leprechaun banged my wife while I was at the office. He fit all of the stereotypes of an Irishman, having red hair and beard, constantly being at the bar, and having an accent so thick that I could barely understand him even though I knew him.